A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP

Something for you to ponder. Got a question.
>What's the difference
> between UNITED and UNTIED?

If you're not married yet, share this with a
friend. If you are married,
share it with your spouse or other married
couples and reflect on it.

An African proverb states, "Before you get
married, keep both eyes open,
and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment
to someone, don't let
lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance,
pressure from others or a low
self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs.
Keep your eye s open, and
don't fool yourself that you can change someone
or that what you see as
faults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time
his or her flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences
will become more obvious.
If you love your mate and want the relationship
to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn to close one eye and not
let every little thing
bother you. You and your mate have many
different expectations,
emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses,
and strengths. You are two
unique individual children of God who have
decided to share a life
together.

Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect
for each other? Do you
bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each
other, or do you compete,
compare, and control? What do yo u bring to the
relationship? Do you
bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain? You can't
take someone to the altar to alter him or her.
You can't make someone
love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual
discernment, and "a life", you
won't find yourself making someone else
responsible for your happiness
or responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and
selfishness are not the
ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and
lasting relationship!
Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are
the wrong reasons to be in
a relationship. What keeps a relationship
strong?

Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of
humor, sharing household
tasks, some getaway time without business or
children and daily
exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a
call, a touch, a note).

Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a
nice email.

Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is
important. Grow together,
not away from each other, giving each other
space to grow without
feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have
outside interest. You can't
always be together. Give each other a sense of
belonging and assurances
of commitment. Don't try to control one
another. Learn each other's
family situation. Respect his or her parents
regardless.

Don't put pressure on each other for material
goods. Remember for richer
or for poorer. If these qualities are missing,
the relationship will
erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse,
neglect, dishonesty, and pain
replace the passion.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is
where you put the i.